


Finding Logic

by FrickinGwaine



Series: Where it all began [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: But also not, But it's from Logan's pov so it biased, Color Theory, Gen, Growing Up, Kid Fic, Light Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders-centric, One Shot, Technical Ocs, Unreliable Narrator, all sides featured
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 16:55:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24030163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrickinGwaine/pseuds/FrickinGwaine
Summary: Where there once was Thomas, there was also Heart and Learning. At least at first. As he grew so did they and soon things had changed. This is how.
Series: Where it all began [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1733485
Comments: 3
Kudos: 69





	Finding Logic

**Author's Note:**

> *slaps fic* this thing can fit so many headcanons and theories in it.
> 
> Going into this all you need to know is that I hc that all the sides started out as something different but they slowly changed over time as they gained more responsibilities.
> 
> Once again all my love to my beta, chucychito, for suffering through my inability to distinguish past and present tense

There was once a boy named Thomas. And like all young ones, Thomas was enraptured with the world. He played in the yard, looked at the bugs, and sang along to every Disney movie he watched. For a long time, these were the type of things Thomas did, but like all little boys, he grew up. 

* * *

Where there once was Thomas, there was also Heart and Learning. The young sides spent a lot of time playing together as kids do when there is a lack of anyone else around. They were undeniably best friends. 

Learning wanted to know everything and often shared all he learned with Heart, such as the names of animals and where the sun goes after it leaves the sky. Heart often had mixed reactions to hearing these new things (confusion, disbelief, and eventually excitement) but he always asked to hear more. He was grateful for Heart as he knew there was nothing worse than being alone with just the things he learned.

Heart was much more connected to Thomas and as much as he wanted to be happy, Heart found himself frustrated and upset with life around him as well. He was overjoyed when Thomas was with his friends and family, but then overwhelmed when things didn’t turn out the way he thought they should. Learning, then, tried his best to comfort his friend by explaining why those things happened. Heart, no longer overwhelmed, was able to cheer up again. They were equals, always balancing each other out. 

They were best friends forever, they thought, each clad in blue as if to remind themselves of the other. Only years later would they realize how short forever actually was. 

\---

Imagination appeared very shortly after Heart and Learning. It wasn’t until he appeared that they even realized how empty the hallways were before they suddenly burst with decor. 

_ Where did this come from _ , Learning always asked,  _ How did you do this? _

_ I thought it up, _ Imagination always replied. 

_ That’s so cool, _ piped up Heart.

Where the world was once merely fascinating, it now seemed endless. Imagination took his fellow sides on adventures at every opportunity, sometimes even interrupting one in the middle to start another. His white cape, an old pillowcase repurposed, led them through each adventure like a beacon. Imagination was having the time of his relatively young life. Heart felt like he was feeling pure emotions around every castle corner. But, as much as Learning enjoyed such games, if he were to wander off by himself, well, then no one seemed to mind. Sometimes learning could only be done alone.

* * *

Another side showed up one day. They were the Three Musketeers (or so Imagination thought after Learning told him the story) but many people forget that there were actually four musketeers despite the name of the story. So it was only fitting that another side joined them. Each felt it; an echo in the halls and the sense that something has changed. Before Imagination could offer to go check it out, they heard footsteps calmly walking towards them. The new side paused when he came into sight. Where Learning looked put together, he looked wild with his rumpled yellow shirt and his hair unkempt. Where Imagination always drew outside the lines to make a better picture, he did it because he could. And where Heart listened to and followed those around him, he refused.

Intrinsically, they all knew who he was, but -

_ What’s your name?  _ Asked Learning.

He waited, as though tasting the name first.  _ You can call me Rebel _ . Although, he didn’t look like he was satisfied with it.

_ Why are you here? _ Heart demanded, to the surprise of the other two.

_ I’m a part of Thomas, too,  _ Rebel countered, _ I belong here just as much as you do. _

Imagination moved to Heart and put a hand on his shoulder.  _ Do you want to go to my room for a bit, Heart? We can pretend we’re wizards! I’ll even let you cast the first spell. _

Heart nodded and they both made their getaway. Learning waited a moment with the new side. Now that the confrontation was gone, he looked rather dejected. Learning thought of his own first meeting with another side and thought they could have welcomed Rebel better.

_ He’ll come around,  _ bridged Learning.  _ Heart makes friends with everyone, so it’ll be alright.  _

Rebel scoffed, but he did look relieved.  _ It doesn’t matter what goody-two-shoes thinks.  _ He looked over at Learning, watched his fidgeting hands and was calmed by Learning’s restlessness.  _ So, what do you guys do around here?  _

Learning felt a smile break out as he led Rebel by the hand for a tour. 

* * *

By then they knew more sides would be coming, the only problem was they didn't know when. For his part, Imagination shouldn’t have been surprised when they woke up one day to discover there were two of them. Lately, there has been a feeling of dissociation as Thomas started to favor one type of creativity over another. The feeling was akin to that tug in the back of the mind that says to go left instead of right even when both paths lead to the same place. But it was enough of a distinction where the new Creativities felt they could no longer share the job. 

The others only had one real concern.

_ So you’re both Imagination?  _ Asked Heart, looking confused.

_ That is what they claim,  _ rebuked Rebel. Heart barely spared him a look.

_ We're still the same side,  _ said the one capped in green.

_ No! No, we are not the same at all _ , denied the one capped in red, quite vehemently. 

_ Hey, don't be a butthead, butthead, _ green responded. In order to defend his honor, the one in red tackled him.

Learning watched on as the scene unfolded.  _ So what do we call you? Do you want to both be called Creativity? _

Red quickly separated himself from his brother and stood up.  _ No way, I don’t want to share a name with him. _

_ Well, then who do you want to be _ , hedged Heart. It was the quietest they'd been since the madness started. After a couple of moments, red spoke again.

_ I want to be a prince. I want to be brave and kind and loved by all _ , he finished, nodding to himself. Green looked at him for several long moments, as if he were committing something to memory. He still didn't speak. 

_ And what about you _ , Rebel directed at the green side. He shrugged.

_ Well, there are other things you could be,  _ offered Learning.  _ There’s earls and barons and dukes and vis- _

_ I'll be a Duke,  _ he interrupted. He gave no further explanation. 

Rebel huffed out a breath.  _ So we got Princey and the Duke now. Why not. _

And that was that.

More sides began showing up after that. Except they were different. These sides weren't as dynamic as the others. They tended to hyper-fixate on a certain aspect of Thomas but eventually Faded away. Sometimes they were around for months, others days. 

Attraction appeared one day, and it was all anyone could do to focus on anything else. The headspace filled with never-ending comments. 

_ Heart, Heart! Did you SEE them? I mean just look at that hair. _

_ I mean I guess she’s pretty, but did you see HIM? _

_ I JUST WANT TO HOLD HIS HAND! Apathy, why can’t you understand that? Is that so much to ask?  _ He then swooned, every time. Learning was about to do something he’d regret if Attraction didn’t stop talking about the boy sitting in front of Thomas during class when he did. 

He arrived indiscriminately, telling everyone about his new fancies, but as the days passed on he started to get more particular with who he hung out with. Days before he disappeared, he would only talk to the two Creativities before avoiding them as well. 

The mindscape shifted and soon Princey was the one talking about how nice the kid next to them was, or how gorgeous his classmate looked when the sun hit him a certain way. In the same breath, Duke began focusing the feelings that staring at the boy elicited. The other sides were not quite ready to understand such urges, and quickly changed the conversation. Attraction was soon forgotten about entirely.

\---

Justice was a Phase many of the sides thought was going to stick around. They always had such a strong presence and sway over the others. 

_ You can’t do that. Duke, I don’t care if you don’t like them, they didn’t do anything to Thomas.  _

_ Worry, calm down. The teacher saw it, they knew we didn’t start the fight. _

But just like Attraction, Justice started to isolate himself. Learning, who didn’t hang out with him too much anyway, didn’t think anything of it until one day he was having a conversation with Rebel. 

_ Rebel do you thin-  _ He cut himself off as the mindscape shifted. He noticed Rebel’s distant gaze.  _ Is everything all right? _

_ Deceit, actually.  _ He said, coming back to himself. Learning watched as Rebel looked more settled than he ever had before, like he gained a piece of himself. The more Learning looked at his face, the more he felt like something was off. 

_ Do I think what?  _ ~~ Rebel ~~ Deceit interrupted _. _

_ What? _ Learning said, startled. 

_ You were asking me a question, _ Deceit recapped, gesturing with his gloved yellow (Learning thought he only wore fingerless ones) hand.  _ So what was it? _

_ Ah, yes. _ Learning adjusted his glasses, a fairly recent development.  _ I was wondering what you thought about having to stay behind after class to - _

_ It’s not fair to Thomas is what it is.  _ He said, gaining momentum.  _ Why should Thomas stay behind when he wasn’t the one acting out. The teacher is unfairly punishing him and I will not  _ -

What is it, Learning thought, What’s different now?

_ -he will only ever get the short end of the stick and I am not allowing it. _ He paused and took a breath as he regained his composure.  _ No matter what it takes, I make sure  _ someone _ does right by Thomas. _

With that, he turned away with only a few short words thrown over his shoulder about catching up later. It was after he left that Learning realized that Deceit’s eye had changed. It was split now like an animal’s. Like a snake’s. 

On his way back to his room, he ran into Heart, who asked him why he looked upset.

_ Not upset, just have a lot on my mind,  _ Learning confessed.

Heart nodded sagely,  _ It’s alright, we all knew Justice might not stick around, but you still got us, buddy.  _ Learning looked at him in confusion, not that he noticed.  _ Oh, and before I forget, I’m Morality now. Although, it’s a pretty hefty title. I think I’m going to bring up the idea of names the next time we’re all together, yeah?  _ And with a hop in his step, he too left.

_ \--- _

Justice had been one of the longest-lasting Phases. The official sides got close to him, learned to work with him or against him in some cases. Therefore, when he Faded it caused a ripple effect throughout the mindscape. A jaded edge was added to their character and they distanced themselves from the Phases. 

To them, it seemed like the natural course of action. Why connect with someone who you knew was going to leave? This decision fortified their connections with each other (for good and bad), and had the unintended side effect of cutting off everyone else. Princey took the time to loudly and publicly disavow anything to do with the Duke, whilst also talking with Morality on who Thomas needed to be. Learning sometimes joined in on their chats, if only to make sure they were being realistic. Often, Learning thought that Deceit should have been included too, but the former rebellious side only came out of his room for damage control (The Duke) before returning to work on this “scheming” (Princey’s words). It was getting rare these days for them all to be hanging out together willingly. Except. 

_ Sooo, I bet why you’re all wondering why I brought you here, _ Morality said trying to put on a serious face. 

_ It’s our weekly get-together, we’re always here at this time, Morality,  _ Learning deadpanned.

Princey looked up startled,  _ I thought it was movie night.  _

Learning snickered. It explained why he brought popcorn, at least. 

_ If it is, I get to pick the movie! _ Duke interrupted.  _ I choose-  _

_ No! _ Deceit cut off, looking pained,  _ I am only here for the meeting about Thomas, so if we can just continue now.  _ He waved a gloved yellow hand vaguely at Morality. 

_ Hm? Oh right. This doesn’t actually have anything to do with Thomas, per se,  _ he started sheepishly, a hand rubbing the back of his neck. 

_ Is that why the Phases aren’t here? _ Princey asked. Learning chided himself for not realizing the significance earlier. The Phases were always present whether it was because they were scared what would be talked about if they missed it (Worry) or just looking for something to do (Apathy and Existentialism). Their meetings were always held at the same time and place; having ruled out the likelihood of the Phases skipping, they likely didn’t know the meeting was happening. 

Deceit leaned forward.  _ Actually, Morality told me to tell them there wasn’t a meeting. _

_ That is not what I said,  _ Morality sputtered.  _ Well, not exactly.  _

This was unusual in a way Learning did not know how to handle. He could understand many things but he always felt frustrated when he didn’t get something. 

Seeing that he had everyone’s attention, Morality continued.  _ I think we should choose names for ourselves.  _ The announcement met a wave of confusion. 

_ Names? _ Asked the Duke, surprisingly attentive.

Learning frowned.  _ I don’t understand why we would, Morality. _

_ We are not real, _ added Deceit. _ We are just here for Thomas. _

Morality shook his head.  _ Oh don’t be dower. It could be fun, for one, and it also adds a little something-something, ya know? I already chose my name. Patton, I’ve come up with six different puns to go with it, including a game and -  _

_ I don’t like it. I don’t see the point in it.  _ Deceit cut off.

_ Well, I think it’s a fantastic idea, Mor-uh Patton,  _ Princey jumped in.  _ Think of all the possibilities. There are so many greats to choose from! There’s Alexander- _

_ The conqueror?  _ Asked Learning.

_ -or Hercules, _

_ Who died tragically. _

_ -Romeo? _

_ Who also died tragically. _

_ -Julius! _

_ A conqueror who died tragically. _

Princey threw his hands up.  _ Well, I’m not hearing any ideas from you, Learning. _ They all sat quietly for a bit.  _ Is there - could I be Roman? _

_ Like the civilization?  _ Learning hesitated, his eyes flicking to the Duke.  _ Or the story? _

_ I was thinking more along the lines of romance. Do I want to know the story? _

Learning shook his head.  _ No, uh, if you like the name then it doesn’t really matter, does it, Roman? _

The newly named side looked relieved and Learning knew he made the best choice holding his tongue. Soon enough, Princey brightened.

_ Well, that’s Roman for me, and Patton for our dear Morality. Anyone else have a name they want to share? _

_ I still abide by my belief that this is a waste of time,  _ Deceit said as he got up to leave.  _ Now if we’re not going to do anything of use then I'm going back. _

The Duke, who had been watching his brother silently until then, also got up.  _ Well, Ol’ Dukey here is going to need some time if you know what I mean. I think I’ll scream into the void a bit and see what screams back if anyone wants to join me,  _ he teased, winking at Morality.

He received a weak smile in return.  _ Yeah, uh, that’s fine Duke. No need to rush. _ He left, and, finally, it was just the three of them.

_ And you, Learning? Do you have a name?  _ Morality’s voice almost sounded hopeful if Learning was interpreting it correctly.

_ I - I’m sorry, Morality. But I am also going to need more time to think. _

_ Oh don’t worry about it, buddy,  _ Morality reassured waving his hands.  _ I’m sure you’ll think of something in no time.  _

_ You’ll choose a great name, Learning, even if it’s not as great as mine,  _ Princey chimed in. Learning chuckled. 

_ Alright, so what game are we going to play. _

\---

It was only later, when Learning wandered back to the common room, that he ran into the Duke again. He had gone to the kitchen to grab a snack after he had stayed up late again looking through his notebooks. Technically, the sides and Phases didn’t need to eat, but something about the process made them feel closer to Thomas and was comforting. 

He was sitting at the table with a bowl of cereal when he felt some pieces of plaster fall into his hair and bowl, prompting him to look up. Learning didn’t know what he expected but a part of him was completely unsurprised to see the Duke stuck to the ceiling looking down at him. The other part of him startled enough to accidentally throw the cereal out of the bowl. 

_ Oops, looks like you’ve made a mess there, _ came Duke’s keen-eyed observation. Learning sighed before getting up to grab a towel.

_ Hello, Duke. Making nightmares tonight? _ Learning inquired as he began to clean up the mess.

_ No, no. Just a little surreal this time around. I have to wait for material from the Dreary Duo before I can make anything really bad,  _ the Duke answered, waving his hand for a “what can you do” effect. Unfortunately, doing so must have made him forget about being on the ceiling as he lost all grip he had and he solidly landed on the table below.

Learning nodded his head, satisfied with what he had managed to clean up. 

_ Yes, they have been acting up lately haven’t they. _

The two Phases, Worry and Existentialism, haven’t been a favorite of anyone since they appeared, thus they tended to stick together. Although lately, they had been isolating themselves even from each other. In fact, if Learning didn’t know any better, he’d say that the Phases were about to Fade. It gave Learning mixed feelings. On one hand, losing another Phase felt like what Learning imagined losing a relative felt like. Yet, on the other hand, he wasn’t sure if he wanted Worry and Existentialism to be a part of Thomas. 

The Duke hmmed at him as he rolled onto his back. Learning had just finished putting his dishes in the sink when he spoke again.  _ What’s the story you were talking about? _

He looked at him confused.  _ Story? _

_ Yeah, the one you said my brother’s name reminded you of. _ Learning looked at the Duke, wondering where this was going. He laid on the table and didn’t look back. Still, Learning wasn’t one to pass up the opportunity to share, already feeling the warmth comfort him for being asked to.

_ Well,  _ he started, adjusting his glasses,  _ the story I was thinking of was the legend of how Rome was founded. Two twins were abandoned and then raised by a she-wolf. When they grew up they established the city on where they were found. Unfortunately, ah- _ he cut himself off. The Duke finally turned his head to look at him.

_ Unfortunately? _ He prompted, oh so quietly. Learning could only hold his gaze for a moment. He looked to the doorway. Learning thought of a lot of things much of the time. He thought of how’s and why’s and because’s, often striving for answers before anyone thought to ask the question and then looking for more answers. It brought him joy and it was what he was there for. But now he’d found an answer for a question he didn’t ask and felt the cold weight settle on him. 

_ Yes, unfortunately, _ he took a breath before continuing,  _ the brother’s couldn’t decide on who would rule so Romulus killed his brother, Remus, and named the city after himself. Rome. _

It was quiet once he finished. When Learning dared to look again he found the Duke once again staring at the ceiling from which he fell. 

_ Remus, _ he said, tasting it on his tongue. _ I like that one. _

_ Do you?  _ He pleaded in an attempt to make the words strike true.  _ Duke, you don’t have to.  _ Don’t let this define you, he thought.

_ No, it suits me, Learning.  _ The Duke gave his crooked grin as he sat up and rested his face in his hand.  _ You can’t tell me it doesn’t. _

_ No, I suppose I can’t.  _ Learning sighed. He gave Remus a sad smile. _ Let me know if you need help with anything else,  _ he said as he turned away, feeling cold.

_ Oh, I can think of plenty of ways you can help me. How do you feel about- _

_ Goodnight, Remus,  _ Learning called back before he shut the door to the faint and high pitched laughter. 

If, at the next meeting between sides, the Duke stands before them on his own makeshift spotlight and announces his name, then Learning can simply smile and congratulate him. If he has to hold his breath when Deceit gives him an appraising look, then he just needs to release it gently as he gives a small shrug back. 

And If he has to close his eyes when he hears Roman say to Remus,  _ It suits you,  _ struggling not to feel guilty, then that’s just for him to know. 

* * *

Weeks later, Learning and Deceit still hadn’t chosen a name but they all became preoccupied by something else. Learning happened to be in his room when he felt it. The faint click that he could almost hear and he rushed from his room to the commons. He was met with the familiar faces, both sides and Phases, and one not.

A new  _ side _ met the others in the common room. It was one of those moments, similar to when you are trying to solve a riddle and you are guessing answer after answer until you find the right one. A sensation they hadn’t felt since Deceit, then called Rebel, first appeared. The sensation was strong enough that no one took note of the subtle shift around them. Learning looked around the room and saw the presence of only one Phase and felt dread. 

The new side stood in the center of the room, his shoulders hunched and arms hidden within his dark sweatshirt. He seemed to be trying to keep everyone in sight, however unsuccessfully due to Apathy carelessly standing behind him with a bemused expression. To Learning’s right, however, were Deceit and the Duke having just come down the stairway. Deceit appeared to be keeping the Duke behind him. Whether he was guarding him or stopping him, Learning didn’t know. To his left, were Morality and Princey looking apprehensive and upset, respectively. 

_ You can’t be here,  _ Princey said, growing agitated. He walked forward to stand in front of the new side.  _ Thomas’s supposed to rule the stage! How is he supposed to chase his dreams with you around?  _

_ Roman! _ Morality scolded from behind.

_ No!  _ He shouted as he looked back. Princey gestured behind him.  _ It’s because of him that- _

_ Look, this is not my fault.  _ The side clad in black finally said. He was shaking and it was then that Learning realized how they had circled him. Isolated him. And now he was on the defense. 

_ Anxiety, right? _ Deceit began, his hands lowered in a placating gesture and walked down.  _ No one is saying that you are responsible, but we are all confused. We thought Worry and Existentialism would have covered this part of Thomas.  _

The effort was met with success as Anxiety calmed slightly. 

_ They couldn’t- they couldn’t make the cut. No one addressed the issue so they couldn’t even Fade right. Left unfinished stuff behind so _ , he gave a stiff shrug,  _ here I am.  _

_ And now what?  _ Learning spoke up, moving out of the doorway.  _ How will you handle their old responsibilities? _

_ Simple. I won’t let Thomas ignore me.  _ The effect was instantaneous. 

_ See I told you, Patton, he- _

_ Now, Roman- _

_ Oh, he’s going to be fun! _

_ Finally! Something interesting. _

_ Enough!  _ Cut in Deceit. He cleared his throat as everyone quieted.  _ Now, Anxiety, we must all work together for Thomas. Surely, we can-  _

He was already shaking his head.  _ No, no I know how  _ you _ work, Deceit. I’m not going to let everything be pushed back again _ .

_ Of course no one’s saying that,  _ Morality tried meekly,  _ but maybe you don’t have to be so, uh, aggressive?  _

Anxiety stared at him. 

_ Or maybe we just calm down and not- _ but Anxiety was already shaking his head.

_ No, no just forget about it. I don’t need to convince you; I know what I have to do. _

Deceit offered a hand.  _ This isn’t going to be resolved tonight. Perhaps you should just come with us right now.  _

Anxiety looked between the two groups. Eventually, he scoffed.

_ Fine,  _ he muttered as he stepped around Deceit and the Duke and past them. 

Learning looked around too. On one side he saw Morality and Princey comforting each other, already moving into their own little world. On the other, he saw Deceit gazing out into space while Remus giggled as he tugged on the other’s dark leather jacket. And as the room settled down to it’s new normal, Learning couldn’t help but feel like he missed something important along the way. That at some point everyone around him changed while he wasn’t looking. 

At last he looked across the room to the other odd-man-out. He found Apathy’s eyes already on him: calculating, assessing, and finding him lacking. His dark orange scarf hung limply around his neck caught Learning’s eye as he tried to avoid Apathy’s gaze. He looked as though he had all the answers Learning sought so desperately. 

* * *

The room was silent with a tension laying heavy in the air. He avoided eye contact with Morality as he tried to calm himself.

_ What was that? _ Learning finally said in a terse voice. 

Morality folded his arms and hunched in on himself. _ Learning please don’t make a big deal out of this. _

Learning let out a dry laugh.

_ Are you kidding me? ‘Not make a big deal,’  _ he quoted.  _ How else am I supposed to react when you just led Thomas to make such a stupid decision.  _

_ I promise it’s not that bad,  _ Morality pleaded. But the words scarcely left his lips when Anxiety appeared. 

_ Oh no, it’s definitely bad.  _ Anxiety then added,  _ Possibly even worse than we think. _

Princey then also popped in.

_ Oh, shut it, Emo Presley. No one needs you making things worse.  _

Anxiety raised an eyebrow.  _ Hey, I’m not the one who told Thomas to follow his whims without consulting anybody. _

Princey scoffed.

_ How was anyone supposed to know it would fail. _

_ Quite frankly, everyone with a hint of common sense could see that it wouldn’t work out as planned.  _

_ Well, no one-  _

_ Stop, stop! Please,  _ Learning interrupted, startling everyone.  _ Please, I just need to talk to Patton. I can’t deal with this too.  _

Anxiety recovered first. 

_ Sure, whatever,  _ he said before dropping out.

Princey, in turn, shot a confused look at Morality who looked sheepishly back. Taking this as agreement, he left the two alone again. 

Learning took a deep breath and dragged his hand down his face. 

_ I just don’t understand. _

_ You gotta understand that no one is happy how this turned out, but who could have known- _

_ Me! Me, I could have told you! _ Learning shouted, losing his hard sought composure. _ If you’d asked me, Thomas wouldn’t be in this mess. _

Morality was startled and could only look at him sadly. _ Oh, Learning, no. Kiddo,- _ Learning stiffens at the word, _ it’s okay. Nobody expects you to have to make tough decisions. We know that’s not your job.  _

_ Are you serious? I can- I know how- what does that even mean?  _

_ Nothing! Something? I don’t know,  _ Morality confessed, one of his hands clutching the side of his head.  _ I just don’t get why you’re upset, kiddo. You didn’t- this wasn’t even your fault.  _

But then why did it feel like it was. Like he -

_ I should have done something. I know it. _

_ No, don’t say that. Maybe we should have talked to you guys, but it's not any one side’s fault. _

_ Patton, that’s not what I mean,  _ Learning snapped.  _ You’re not listening to me. _

_ I’m trying! Please stop, I promise I’m trying.”  _ Morality finally yelled back. His voice cut through the room, deafening all. In the right frame of mind, Learning would take Patton’s watery eyes as the sign to stop. He would recognize that pursuing this path would hurt his friend more than was acceptable. But Learning wasn’t in the mindset. All he could think about was the feeling of being out of the loop to the world closest to him and finally seeing answers in sight. 

_ Then why,  _ he paused and tried again.  _ Why does it feel like you’re not? Why does it feel like you won’t tell me what’s going on? _

_ I’m sorry,  _ Patton’s voice caught. They both ignored the sound of footsteps behind them.  _ Please kiddo- _

_ Why are you calling me that? _ Learning pushed. _ ‘Kiddo’, I’ve been with you since the beginning, or did you forget that? _

He was met with silence. But Learning found his answers.

_ Or do you not think of me the same anymore. Like I’m not-  _ Like I’m not your equal, he finished in his head. 

Morality could only give him a weak smile.  _ Don’t be silly, I’ll always be your friend, Learning.  _

A silence filled the room. The kind that happened when too many words were already spoken. 

_ I’m sorry we upset you,  _ Morality offered. _ But we didn’t think the issue really related to learning.  _

It had nothing to do with you, Learning heard. 

Learning’s mouth felt dry.

_ I understand. Just try and talk to me next time.  _

* * *

It was the first but not the last time that such a situation would arise. Morality did try and make sure Learning was included, but it was difficult to guess which situations Learning could help with and which ones he couldn’t. Sometimes Learning would call the other sides out when they weren’t including everyone. Most times he wouldn’t as hackles seemed to raise during those meetings and left everyone feeling worse off than before. 

It wasn’t worth it, Learning thought. Not when he finally realized that the lines were drawn and no one told him what side he was on. Not when meetings already raised tensions without any problems Learning brought in. The only exceptions were Anxiety, who always appeared uncomfortable near Morality and Princey and tolerant around Deceit and the Duke, and Apathy who, much like Learning, was neutral. And so, it was to Apathy that Learning found himself going to for respite. Generally, neither would speak during these times, each taking the time to breathe and think without other influences. At least until that day.

They sat in Learning’s room with the door closed, an unusual occurrence as Learning didn’t like to have it closed but he let it go as he wasn’t by himself. Suddenly, Apathy put down his book (one of Learning’s, a recent addition from when Thomas was interested in sociology) and turned to face Learning on the bed. 

_ I’m going to Fade, you know.  _ Apathy spoke quietly, knowing that he would be listened to.  _ Thomas decided a long time ago what kind of person he wanted to be and, unfortunately, it’s the kind that cares far too much about far too many things.  _

Learning stared at him, feeling uncomfortable.  _ Where is this going, Apathy? _

_ Patience, Learning,  _ he chided.  _ I have a point to this.  _

Learning let him continue. It was always hard to read the Phase with his overly calm demeanor and a blank face. However, he was the only one who hadn’t tried to persuade him on one idea or another so he would hear him out. 

_ It’s clear to see that Thomas is going to be led with his emotions, with his heart in life. _

_ You mean- _

_ However,  _ Apathy overrode,  _ if he continues on that path he’s going to crash and burn. Although Deceit is trying his best to do what is right for Thomas, at best his efforts are going to be the minority voice and at worst completely disregarded. He’s not exactly good at playing nice.  _

What Apathy was said was technically true, but Learning didn’t like to be reminded about the fallibility of the mindscape.

_ Apathy, I don’t- _

_ What I’m trying to say is that there needs to be another voice in the chorus. One that is able to have a level of...objectivity to the discussion.  _ But Learning had had enough.

_ Well, I don’t think that’s going to happen. It’s extremely unlikely that a side like that will appear and I- I don’t have it in me to not get emotional when it comes down to it.  _

Apathy didn’t speak for a moment. He picked up the book again and moved to kneel down next to Learning. His orange scarf was uneven and he didn’t make any effort to fix it.

_ What if I could help you. _

Learning felt as though time had frozen all around them.

_ What?  _ A voice said distantly. Him, it was his voice.

_ I have an idea. One where you can help, be listened to, and it’ll solve all our problems.  _

_ You haven’t even said what it is. _

_ I think we can merge. We’re only concepts and already can shape-shift so it should be possible.  _ As Apathy talked his gaze got more and more intense. 

_ How- why would we even do that. Or if we could, why hasn’t anyone done so before?  _ An idea struck Learning.  _ Wait, is that what happened with Anxiety? _

Apathy shook his head.

_ No, no they’re different.  _

_ But why? How is that different from the others, like with Justice or- _

_ It’s different because they Faded, full stop,  _ Apathy cut in.  _ Disappeared forever as their jobs fit under the jurisdiction of another side. Like getting fired and handing over the instructions to a different branch, they left. Worry or Existentialism was different because no one wanted their job so a new side was created. That’s what Anxiety meant by not fading right. But unlike them, not even Thomas wants or needs me. Unless I do something I will Fade and there goes the last of any ability for Thomas to distance himself.  _

He said it with the kind of finality that made it hard to argue. 

_ But why should I? I want to help but I don’t want to- _ lose himself.

_ Right now you hoard all this knowledge, all things you learn, but you don’t know how to use it. So it sits here,  _ Apathy taps his head,  _ while everything falls apart.  _

Learning didn’t know what to think. His mind blanked and he couldn’t help but feel guilty even if he couldn’t quite say why. To stall for time, he reached out and gently fixed the other’s scarf.

_ Then why you? Why are you willing to do this? _

_ There are multiple reasons I could give you. Some very clever ones too. But the easiest answer is that I know it’s what’s necessary to do.  _

He paused and sat back. Apathy raised the book between them in the offering.

_ But I will ask you this. Aren’t you curious? Don’t you want to know the answers? _

What else was he supposed to do? Learning took the book.

* * *

Learning, they found, felt a lot. But his emotions were often tied too closely to his love to learn. His joy, frustration, pride, and regrets flowed freely with little to manage them. His mind was filled with theory but lacked the ability to apply it. 

Apathy, to neither’s a surprise, felt little to nothing. He lacked the attachments to the environment around him and didn’t mind it. He knew that it gave him the ability to think with a clear head and see things the sides didn’t. 

However, Learning was surprised by one thing, although it wasn’t a deal-breaker. Apathy had lied. One by omission, but a lie nonetheless. Before ever approaching Learning, he felt something. It was one of the only things he ever felt. The will to survive. The desire to not disappear. 

Together they were something else. One’s strength covers another’s weakness and together they settled into something new. 

It  ~~ felt right ~~ was how it was always supposed to be.

* * *

Patton was concerned. Everyone was at the weekly meeting except Learning and it just wasn’t something he expected from his long-time friend. They all were sitting in the common room and conversation was sparse. 

Patton decided to break it.

“I don’t suppose anyone has seen Learning today?”

He was met with a negative confirmation.

“Actually,” Deceit added in, “I haven’t seen Apathy around either.” Patton looked around the room again. Ah, oops, he thought. He didn’t even realize the Phase wasn’t present either. 

“What does it matter where the Tedious Two are?” chimed Roman. He was sitting next to Patton as he lazily swung his new sword around, causing Patton and Anxiety to lean back every time it got close to them. “I’m sure they’re just off being boring.”

“Can you watch it with that thing,” snapped Anxiety as the sword got too close at one point. Roman stuck his tongue out back at him but did put down the sword.

From the corner of the room, Remus spoke.

“If you want I can hold on to it for you.” 

“No weapons,” rebuked everyone else. Remus immediately deflated. Deceit gave a long-suffering sigh as he half-heartedly comforted him. That was the end of the topic and they all lapsed back into a tense silence. Finally, Patton heard footsteps approaching and was filled with relief. He turned to the doorway and froze. The others followed his line of sight.

Learning had changed. His dark blue shirt was black with a blue tie. He looked put together and focused in the moment now where he had always seemed to be thinking elsewhere before. The change was dramatic, startling, and for Patton who had seen Learning as an unchanging constant through all of Thomas’s life, it was unsettling.

Eventually, Patton found his voice.

“Um, hey Learning.”

He looked back at him and Patton had to fight the urge to look away.

“Ah, yes. Apologies for being late. It won’t happen again.”

Patton nodded having nothing else to say.

“Oh, by the way, I chose a name.”

“Y-yeah? That’s great!” Patton said, finding his rhythm. “What’d you pick?”

“Logan, but you may also call me-”

Logic.

**Author's Note:**

> Fin. 
> 
> Whoop! I hope you liked it as much as I liked writing it.  
> Remember, Kudos and Comments are awesome and you can come yell at me on Tumblr (plsforgetaboutme).
> 
> This fic was like a year in the works so I have many, many ideas and thoughts about it


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